19 to 21 years old

I was 19, and my husband and I worked and spent evenings at home. I have had a few pregnancies between the ages of 14 and now but miscarried every single one. I was okay with it because I didn't want kids yet, but my husband was always excited. I felt terrible every time I miscarried. I was caring for triplets, so I had my hands full already. I also gained 50 lbs. during my Tia's pregnancy because when she ate, she made me eat. Because she wasn't eating alone and getting fat by herself. Running around and caring for them, I don't understand why I didn't get rid of this weight. I stayed at my Tia's house every other night to help. So she and her husband could sleep.

He had two jobs and barely got any sleep, and she worked ten-hour shifts. So yeah, I was always there. My Tia also had two other kids, a ten-year-old and a twelve-year-old. One lived with her, and the other lived with her father. The ten-year-old helped me a lot after school. That poor girl didn't have a life. That was before the triplets, too. Her stepfather was rigorous, and she barely went outside. The furthest she could go was the front. We got along fine. Then, her sister came back to live with her mom. Everything went downhill from there. She helped with the babies, but she and her sister barely got along.

They often have an attitude with me, and I do not have patience. One day, my 10-year-old cousin was doing homework in the kitchen, listening to the radio, and it kept getting louder and louder. I asked her repeatedly to turn it down because her dad and the triplets were sleeping. Her dad came home and was only getting four hours of sleep and had to wake up for his second job. I had just finished my nails for the first time and ripped them off one by one. She was making me angrier and angrier by the second. She would not listen and just turned the volume high and higher. I got back up, went into the kitchen, tore the cord out of the radio, and started strangling her with it until her sister pulled me away from her.

When my Tia got home, my 10-year-old cousin told her what I had done. I expected as much. My twelve-year-old cousin started telling her what happened, and my Tia started yelling at my ten-year-old cousin because she knew better. I don't know why she did it that day. I believe she was testing me, and after that, she never did anything like that again. I was a good babysitter to these babies. I taught them to crawl, walk, talk, and much more.

As I said earlier, I was 21 at the time, and my husband and I started going to a fertility clinic to see why I couldn't stay pregnant. I rarely ever had a period, too. My Tia decided to send the triplets to daycare or pre-k. When they began, they were two-and-a-half years old; I went with her on the first day and looked over the daycare. I was also answering all the questions they had. She didn't know. I knew everything about them. I thought my Tia decided to put them in daycare because they started calling me mom and her Tia. That upset her, and she left for work crying that day. That's why I believe she put them in there.

After a few days of them at this daycare, we went to pick them up, and when we entered, a lady pulled us aside and said that one of the girls was bitten by another child. Oh, I was PISSED and asked how the hell did that happen if y'all are watching them? I told my Tia they weren't going back there. She said they had to so they could socialize with other kids their age. I told her, Yeah, to socialize, not get attacked. After about a month or two, they got lice, and she took them out of that daycare.

But then she told me that her husband had been offered a better job in Texas, and they would move there after Christmas. I was devastated, to say the least. But again, during this time, we were going to a fertility doctor, and I had quite a lot of testing done. They found out that I had PCOS (polycystic ovum syndrome). Also, it will be very hard to get pregnant with that because I didn't get a period ever—short story. I was 7 years old when I got my period. I was in the first grade and started screaming when I went to the restroom during lunch. When I was 14, my mom made me get the Nora plant in my arm, which completely jacked me up. I had it removed after a couple of months, and they told me I would get my period again within a month. Yeah, I never got it again.

The fertility doctor prescribed me Clomid and told me what to do. That didn't work, and I decided I didn't want to try anymore. I was married for four years, and I was 21 years old. Let me live a little bit first. I wanted a baby. We had a lot of miscarriages, but also, I was young, so I wasn't in a huge rush. My husband also had a huge gambling problem. I did not want to bring a baby into that. I didn't want to worry if I could buy diapers, rent, or anything related to a baby.

I tried to get him into Gamblers Anonymous, but we would argue because he claimed he didn't have a problem. He would quit for a year or two, then start back up again. He was the love of my life, and I knew we could get him past this, but it would take a while. I would get so angry, and I did want him out at some point. But he would never leave, and we would always work it out. No matter how angry one of us got, we always said we would never go to bed angry, and we never did.

Until one day, I came home with a tongue piercing. I got this because he told me he would leave me if I got one. This man knew better. I would do it just because he said I better not. He always tried to tell me what to do, and I always told him you are not my father. Then I would go do it. He told me once never to cut my hair, and I cut it to my shoulders. It was to my butt, and it was so thick. So I cut it off. He always tried to get me to wear different clothes since I was in school, and I refused. If I wanted a dad, I would have asked my mom where he was. I came home with a piercing, and he started packing his bags. I started laughing and told him if he walked out the door, he wouldn't come back through it. He was saying that he asked me not to do it. Why would I? I told him no, and he told me not to do it. So why wouldn't I? We made up five minutes later, and he left for work. It healed, and I took it out after 7 years.

There wasn't much more when I was 21 years old. In between all these years, though, there were many things. Her ex-husband was seeing my baby sister since we lived less than fifteen minutes away from him. But, when she stayed the night, she would let my middle sister stay with her. I was unhappy and asked her why she thought that was ok and what if he did something to her. My mom thought he wouldn't do anything to her since she was three when they met. My mom has always had blinders on and thinks nothing will happen. Her boyfriend, whom she has been with for seven years now, even told her that was dumb on her part. She thought it was fine. My middle sister stopped going when I told her she couldn't go anymore and some reasons why she couldn't go.

Since he was remarried, I still didn't rusted him. Then, we found out that, apparently, neither did his wife. She didn't even allow him alone with their daughter. Wherever she went, so did their little girl. Again, my mom didn't think that was weird at all. My baby sister was finally old enough to tell us if he touched her. She always told us no. I also hoped she was telling me the truth. But years went by, and she always would say no. I would ask her periodically, and she would still say no. My mom asked me to stop so I wasn't putting stuff in her head. I never told them what he did, but my siblings knew there was a reason why I asked. By the time she was a teenager, I rarely asked.

One night, I went downstairs and heard my mom and her boyfriend arguing. I had no idea what was going on, so I went back upstairs. The next day, he and my husband went off to work. They came home while my mom was still at work. When she got home, her boyfriend was gone and didn't return. After a few days, she called him, and he told her he moved out and in with his sister and that their engagement was off. My mom was upset about it for a while, but then she met a guy and went on a few dates with him, but she didn't feel anything for him.

She started dating this other guy. He was initially friendly until he started showing up at her job and our house. He would show up out of nowhere, tell her where she was all day, and ask her why she was here or there. My mom broke up with him because she thought that was too much. After she broke up with him, he was stalking her. He would leave notes on her car, still show up at her job, and even walk around our house. He eventually stopped when she threatened to call the police. After that, my mom learned what AOL chats were, and she has started using them quite often. She met a man on one of these chats and started dating him. He was kinda nice but also had some issues with his kids and family.

They started dating, and he moved in while my husband and I still lived there. It could have been a few months later when my husband and I moved out to help Tia with the triplets. They were together for 2 years before they got married. This was now my mom's fourth marriage. At least she dated him for two years, though. I was married for two years then and was nineteen years old. Since I had a hard time with men, I told him the same thing I said to all her boyfriends. If he touched my mom or siblings, I would kill him. He told me that he would never do something like that.

After they got married he started showing his true colors. he would fight with my middle sister about anything and everything. There was this one day around Halloween of 1999 when my sister was at the dining table eating spaghetti and my mom's decoration on the ceiling fan fell off of a blade. My mom asked her to put it back up, and my sister told her she would after she was done eating. My mom said ok and he stood up and threw her plate off the table and said your done hang it up. Of course, a fight started between them, and my mom had to referee.

These fights started happening more frequently and I told my mom he had to stop starting fights with them. We get it he is your husband. No one disrespected him and everyone pretty much left him alone. My two middle siblings were barely home they were out, working, or at school so I didn't get the fighting. My baby sister was twelve and she was barely home with school and hanging out with friends. They barely fought anyway, he didn't mess with her much at all. They talked and played the Sims together. My husband and I went there on the weekends and hung out with them everything always seemed normal except when my sister or mom would tell me about the arguing.

Until, one day, I was there and I was washing dishes for my mom and he came into the kitchen. He made himself a huge glass of chocolate milk and I was like wow you like chocolate milk huh? He looks at me and says mind your own goddamn business. That set me off and I stopped doing the dishes and turned around looked him straight in his eyes and said you do not want to talk to me like that. I am not like my mom and siblings. I will hurt your feelings if not your face. So of course he starts yelling for me to get out of his house. I laughed, this is not your house my mom owned it before she married you. My mom of course comes into the kitchen and starts asking what's going on, my husband asks the same thing. So he starts telling my mom he wants me out of his house.

My mom tells him to calm down and let's talk. I am done talking and I tell him that when and if she dies while in this house it becomes my house and that he has no house. I tell my husband lets go because I have to calm down and we go to the mall for a while. We decided to go home instead of going back to my mom's and watch some movies. I couldn't calm down. I do not like to be talked to like that at all my husband even knows not to talk to me like he went crazy.

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